Not really. I just forgot to share my gratitudes every day. There’s been a lot going on and I realized I’d let that slip yesterday; the last day of the week!
Even though I didn’t post this past week doesn’t mean I haven’t been learning something from this whole word of the year experience and finding God-breathed transformation as I intentionally take time to read the Word and dwell on what it means to live a truly grateful life.
I’m learning to find the beauty in life first; to see, first, the hurt and/or destructive pattern in the heart of the one who may hurt me; to search, first, for the kinder response; to expect the best of people and extend grace when I don’t receive it and to understand that my idea of what’s right and good and the way to do things isn’t everyone else’s idea of what’s right and good and the way to do things; to ask, first, what is there to learn here. I’m not getting it all right. In fact, I think I’m losing more than I’m winning! But I’m newly aware of what I’m not getting right, so that’s kind of like a win. Right? I say yes!
So this past week, I got this new laptop “with retina display”. I chose this little beauty because, as you know by now, I’m doing quite a lot of photography — to the point of actually taking photos for other folks once a month-ish — and I needed a new computer anyway, so I went for something that would maximize my editing capabilities. I had heard so much about this “retina display” from other photographers and was definitely feeling like that was something for me too.
So I get this thing, take it out of the box, get it all setup, and excitedly look at my previously edited images. I suddenly had the ability to see more clearly and THEY. WERE. TERRIBLE!!
There were flaws I should have fixed that I had missed; and there were flaws in my editing that were suddenly, grotesquely searing my eyeballs!!!!!
See, before this, I was really starting to feel like I had come into a new realm in this craft. I felt like I was crafting nice images and editing them well and vastly improving … and feeling so proud of myself … and confident. But then I see these images that I’m feeling are great; I’m seeing them as they really are. Every pixel is perfectly clear. And I see the flaws; my flaws.
And then the Holy Spirit reminded me:
For now we are looking in a mirror that gives only a dim (blurred) reflection [of reality as in a riddle or enigma], but then [when perfection comes] we shall see in reality and face to face! Now I know in part (imperfectly), but then I shall know and understand fully and clearly, even in the same manner as I have been fully and clearly known and understood [by God].
I Cor 13:12 (amplified)
I know this verse is referencing “the Day of Perfection” (when we get to Heaven); where, when we see Him, we “will know all things”. But this also brought me to the thought about how proud I can be of where I am in life and in the Faith. I tend to look at how far I’ve come and what I’ve learned and the wisdom I’ve gained and very proudly sit back and envision myself as this glorious lady of wisdom and grace. This is really laughable, I know, but it’s true.
And then there are these times in life just like going from an old computer to a new computer, when I look at myself in the mirror of the Word and all this “newfound wisdom” only clears the glass more to reveal even more warts and dirt and unkemptness…
It’s not a fun thing; to look in the mirror and see “new” junk that was always there all along, but you just couldn’t see it. It’s so much more comfortable and fun to remain blissfully ignorant, but this is my perfecting. I’ll not ever be perfect until “That Day”, but I can strive, every day, to be more and more like the One I love; Jesus, the Lover of my Soul.
My momma has always said (when I was younger, it was met with eye-rolls and thoughts of “how many more times will she say this” … and now I always say it) “The heart is the heart of the matter”. No matter what comes, no matter what goes, He’s after your heart; and mine.
So, I’m letting this awesomely beautiful new computer expose my previously hidden flaws in my photography as I take some extra time to read the Bible and pray; asking the Holy Spirit to reveal myself to me in light of the Word. And that He would lead my heart to be supernaturally transformed yet again.
Clearer vision. Transformation. Closer walk.
What are you seeing in yourself in the mirror of the Word today?
I keep going back to the last line of my life’s song:
“This is no sacrifice; here’s my life.”
It’s worth it.