You remember that “true self” bit I shared?
Well, it turns out penning that really opened the doors of communication between Mr. Old School and me. It wasn’t like we were in a rut. Not at all. But it opened some brand new lines of communication and eased some small tensions we’ve been navigating. We are now having some incredibly honest and intimate conversations about our life and where we’re heading. We don’t have answers, but we’re moving forward together in this energizing unity.
One of the things we finally were able to do is agree on a style for the living spaces in our house!
You don’t understand how huge that is!!
An actual style.
For the first time in 7 years.
And now, we’re giving our boy his very own room and we’re determined to FINISH! 🙂
(I’ll be posting soon about our game of “musical rooms”.)
Another thing I’ve noticed that’s changed…
There were a few details of myself I gave up when I became part of a “we”. One of those things was vibrant patterns & color; which I’m slowly relearning to embrace, with Mr. Old School’s reluctant support. We’re learning together. 🙂 Another of those things is my musical taste. I absolutely love salsa music. Latin music in general.
Well, I’ve noticed that he’s been listening to it on his own. He’s asking questions and showing genuine interest. He even suggests we listen to it together.
It’s a little thing; certainly. But it’s huge because it’s meaningful.
It’s value. It makes me feel valued, loved.
I’ve known that man loves me. This is just another way he’s showing me. He’s taking his own time to learn something about me that I willingly gave up and am still OK with it. But you know what? He’s enjoying this part of me he hadn’t taken the time to learn. So we’re both reaping benefits; a new level of intimacy, of course. I also think it’s a major turn on, this quest of his to get more into my head. Major.
He even suggested we have a salsa dancing party in our yard! (Which I am SO TOTALLY down for!)
my goals and dreams
Something else I’ve seen is a major shift in his support of my business and “his” time it requires me to sacrifice.
Now, he’s still 100% Mr. Old School and I’ve learned, over the years, to work while he’s at work and not work when he’s home. It’s partially been because he’s jealous for me (which is romantic, but for this independent girl, it can also be stifling); it’s partially because when I’m in work mode, I have tunnel vision and everything else falls apart. It’s been good for me to learn how to balance home life and work by establishing very clear time boundaries.
But he’s suddenly OK to give up a few of “his” minutes. He’s even bragging about what I do a lot lately. I like that. Again, I feel his sense of value in me. And I think he’s seeing that this thing is actually something that is taking off and could lead to paying for our family’s life in the coming years. It’s taking off like that. Keep saying prayers!
The last thing I’ve noticed recently is my ability to hear him tell me I’m being grumpy. It may seem like something trivial, but I don’t want to be a person who always has to have *her* way and no other. I don’t want to be the person who can’t be told she’s wrong. So it’s huge that I’m creating a space within myself so he can say, “you really seem grumpy right now” and I don’t take it personally or blow my top. Frankly, these things have been something I’ve feared I’d become. He keeps telling me he’ll never let me go there, but I still worry as I see my own potential for ridiculousness.
The other day, I was definitely grumpy and he called me out on it (kindly, of course). I huffed, “yes. I am grumpy”, and took a sip of my coffee. But I wasn’t mad. Just a little testy in that moment.
And then the Holy Spirit illuminated that this was one of my fears NOT coming true and I started to cry some big ole crocodile tears of gratitude.
My stand — not out of anger or fear, but of sheer self-recognition — has generated this amazing, unanticipated impact in our marriage, our home, and my professional life. This may sound like these are selfish benefits of this journey of mine, and you might be right. But I absolutely see that these “selfish” personal benefits are causing me to turn toward my partner in a more open, vulnerable, less selfish way … which is leading me to actually become even more giving toward his own vision, dreams, pursuits.
It’s pretty awesome.
How is your determination to live your life as your true self affecting your life and decisions? Tell me about it.